In my book, John Swanson is the definition of a “Kind King”.
He came into my life at a time when I had just figured out how to get pretty much whatever I wanted from my newly divorced parents - working one off the other in my quest to increase my Lego collection, avoid cleaning my room, and wreak havoc wherever I pleased. Yes, I was a full-fledged brat.
So who was this “new guy” and what did he want with my mother? I gave him the test which is commonly employed by sons in my position: I barred the door when he and my mother tried to go on a date and exclaimed - “You’re not taking my mother anywhere!” If he would put up with me, then he must really love my mom. Thankfully, he passed the test with flying colors and I’m grateful to him for being a great husband to my mom.
By passing the test, John became my mother’s husband, but I was reluctant to consider him my dad. For many years we had a relatively problem-free relationship. He bribed me with trips to the video arcade and Blizzards from Dairy Queen, and otherwise we stayed out of each other’s way.
As I became a teenager, we had our share of conflicts as he brought new rules and restrictions to our home; but eventually I realized that he wasn’t imposing the rules to punish me; he was imposing rules because he cared. Learning this surprised me, but it didn’t change my behavior. I didn’t want rules no matter the intent.
Despite my objections, he persisted - for years - and as I slowly acquiesced to his ways, he taught, and I learned. He taught me how to make lists, how to get organized, how to eat healthy, how to recycle, how to be a good friend… I could go on for hours about all the practical, logical, and reasonable skills he shared with me, yet the truly invaluable lesson John gave to me was how to be a good father.
I’m not sure when, but at some point in time I stopped calling him John and instead called him Dad. He became my dad by showing me he had what it takes to be one - and I’m so lucky to have had him as a father, because he was an incredible one, and that’s why I call him a kind king. He was always in control of himself and our home yet he never exercised his authority for its own sake, reserving it instead for benevolence. In spite of the fact that for many years I was unappreciative, unaffectionate, and even disrespectful, my dad was good to me. Why would he do such a thing, what was in it for him? I never asked him his motivation but I believe he did so because he saw an opportunity to do good and was confident in his ability to do so. In this way I learned of the rewards of being a good person and having a positive influence: its a nearly impossible challenge with a few opportunities. He showed me this and taught me to be ready if I ever got the chance.
I recently became a father and quickly learned how challenging it can be. With John as my role model, I found myself feeling confident in my ability to be a good dad and willing to face adversity to do so. Whenever he would compliment me on my fathering skills, I would always tell him that they were thanks to him. I will always be grateful to you for being such a great father to me and my sisters and promise that I will be a good father too.
I love you and miss you dad.
